The Bitter Singles Guide to Valentine's Day

Ahh.. Valentine's Day. That sweet holiday commandeered by the jewelry, flower, candy, and greeting card industries as another reason to guilt us into buying more stuff. Everywhere you turn, there's an ad reminding us that some people show their love with diamonds, and diamonds are forever, so that must be true love.

Of course, the bitter single person is smarter than that. We know that if the beautiful woman in the ad had any doubts about love, a piece of jewelry doesn't suddenly mean THAT love is true. Maybe the guy in the ad felt guilty because of the big fight three days before, and he'd better do something more than some half-dead roses from a convenience store this year.

Valentine's Day has come a long way from the original sentiment of simple expressions of love, and hand-written sentiments. It is a commercial holiday fraught with emotionally charged relationship positioning and requirements to prove your love or else you move down on the scale and will have to work that much harder to move yourself back up.

Yes, Valentine's Day has changed from expression to obligation, from pure unconditional love to heightened expectations and inevitable disappointments.

Elements made even more painful for the bitter single who has to observe it. The bitter single eating dinner alone... at the bar... while couples wait for tables and order the 'Valentine Special dinner-for-two'.

How does the bitter single get through without becoming more bitter?

The bitter single person can take comfort in the knowledge that many couples are also miserable on this holiday.

First, there's the gift. Nobody really gets diamonds for Valentine's Day (except the filthy rich, who evidently go through relationships with more regularity than the oil is changed in their cars... not exactly enduring love). So, we know we're not getting diamonds, a reminder that we are not shallow or filthy rich. It's possible we may get flowers, but given the number of deliveries on this day, the chance of this getting screwed up or the flowers wilting on the way is pretty big. That ridiculously expensive dozen roses often appear Dead On Arrival. Then there's chocolate... forcing us to give up that diet we committed to on New Year's Day... okay, we'll give up the diet, then blame our partner forever and never let them live it down.

Forget it - no gifts, just a card. After 4 1/2 blinding, mind-numbing hours reading every card in the shop, you finally find one that isn't really lame, and our partner can pretend to think it's cute, or funny, and we can put the whole awkward gift giving part of this holiday behind us... and go to dinner.

Even in the best of circumstances, a loving couple's Valentine's night out to dinner is often too expensive, the service is slow, the food is mediocre. The conversation seems forced until shifted to safer topics like complaints about your work day, the dearth of decent political candidates, or what the kids have been stirring up at school.

That's right - expressing love is uncomfortable territory for many couples, so to enjoy a romantic night out, couples instinctively fall back onto those subjects that bring us the most pleasure: complaints, gossip, and bitter and ironic truths - the very same subjects they enjoyed as bitter singles prior to finding the love of their life.

So, experiencing Valentine's Day as a couple, is just like experiencing Valentine's Day as a bitter single person, only it's more expensive and there are so many more opportunities for disappointment.

So, it seems clear that the bitter single has the advantage with this holiday.

There are no expectations. Nothing can let us down. We can stay in or go out, and whatever we do, we are doing exactly what we WANT to do. We can be cheap if we want, and nobody is offended. We can treat ourselves to awesome chocolate, not just the cheap cream-filled junk that comes in heart-shaped boxes. We can buy ourselves some colorful, fresh, spring flowers, instead of tired looking roses. We don't have to wait in line for a good meal, and we don't have to order the Valentine's Special.

Freedom has its advantages.

Since this is a day of Love - DO what you love! If you love good music, go out to hear a band. If you love art, go to a museum. If you love books, hang out at a bookstore cafe. Celebrate the holiday by doing things you LOVE.

Couples celebrate Valentine's Day trying to express their love to each other, carefully trying to weigh expectations and how it might be interpreted.

Love is not about expectation. Love is giving.

This means, contrary to all the advertisements geared toward couples, Valentine's Day belongs to everyone. Even bitter single people.

The point is to express love. So, do that.

You may be between relationships at this point. Maybe that last relationship ended painfully. But here is a holiday that allows you to express love, without any expectation. Which is the best way to express it.

Show everyone in your life a little love. Compliment the girl next to you on the train. Buy a coffee for the guy sitting next to you at work. Say hello to your neighbor. Give a chocolate kiss to the receptionist. Give a real kiss to your puppy. Take your puppy for a walk. Smile at everyone you see. Laugh at their jokes.

Here is a great opportunity to think of the things you love in your life, and express that love in creative ways. As a bitter single, you don't have to worry about obligation and expectations - you can bring Valentine's Day back to what it's supposed to be: expression and unconditional love. There's no room for disappointment. There's no downside. It's all good.

Of course, putting that much loving energy into the world around you may make you feel less bitter, and since we get out of life what we put in to life, eventually, that love will come back to us.

This can make it hard to remain a bitter single.

By next year, if you keep this up, you will be celebrating Valentine's Day as a couple, looking back at your bitter single years with sweet nostalgia.

And that's the sad, ironic truth of this holiday: as soon as you start enjoying the bitter single's Valentine tradition, you risk losing that wonderful single status.

In your desperate attempt to survive Valentine's Day, you find yourself embracing the holiday: laughing hysterically, living fully and love unconditionally.

Sadly, you'll just have to... accept the consequences.